Hey, Auntie!: Monique H.

There's nothing like pulling up to a family reunion or friend's house and saying "Hey, Auntie!" and finding someone on the other side of the door who wants to know when you last ate. Or making that call in the middle of the night during a crisis, and getting some reassurance that things really will be okay and you are supported. Often said with love and warmth, we aunties are the ones that give the advice needed and trusted support. Sometimes though, we can get so wrapped up in pouring out that we forget to replenish ourselves. So welcome to the Hey Auntie! Series, a collection of interviews and conversations with other Millennial aunties and how they are remembering to fill their own cups and live their best and dopest lives.

Meet Monique a.k.a. Auntie Mo, a San Diego-based small business owner who runs a self-care gift box service called LoveMo. She has both Littles and a Great Little, so between handling orders and wrangling kiddos, she’s sharing her views on Dope Auntiehood and how her faith keeps her centered.

What is your idea of a dope auntie?

What is a dope auntie? A dope auntie is someone who owns the title… who embraces it…who tries to squeeze all the fruit out of auntie-hood that she can and knows her power and her influence in the lives of the littles around her. I'm so blessed to be an auntie.

Who were the women in your life who you would say fit this idea/definition?

When I think back on my childhood, and in my youth, there were women who poured into me and spent time with me and who made presence a really big component of my childhood …and it stuck. My maternal grandma would always push “quality over quantity,” “time over money,” “time over things.” She valued the time we spent together, the experiences we had together. And those are memories that I look back on now and cherish so deeply. My mom, my aunt... both were huge on keeping tradition and keeping the family connected. And though we struggled a bit when my grandparents passed away, it's still something that we all crave and look forward to and continue making an effort to try and build, to this day. And it's something that I'm so thankful for.

Who calls you "Auntie" and what do they call you? How would you describe your relationship with your Littles?

I am “Auntie Mo” to my three littles - well, they’re not so little anymore. They are 21, 19, and 16. But the 21-year old has a 3-year old named Koko (Khloe) and I’m now “Auntie Mo” to her as well. With Koko, “Auntie Mo” is a title that I have seen new life and new meaning in. I know that my littles referred to me as “Auntie Mo” growing up, but because I was so growing myself, as a teenager and early adult, I don't remember myself sitting in that sentiment as deeply as I do now with Koko.

What do you hope for in your relationship and what's your favorite part about being an auntie?

When I think about my own Littles and my relationship with them, I always pray that they would know how deeply I love them and care for them and cherish them, and just want to be with them all the time. And I was so fortunate and so thankful to have really spent so much of their lives around them. I can remember days where I would be at their house more than I'd be at my own. Those are memories that I will cherish. Those moments when they’d barricade the door just so I wouldn’t leave. And now, as they grow into little adults, I have those Snapchats and videos in my phone that I scroll back through often just to transport me back to that time because it was so necessary and so fulfilling for me. In 2018, we hit a rough patch and my Littles’ parents separated and subsequently divorced, and not only was that a blow to their little lives, but also to our entire family dynamic. And it's been a struggle ever since. It's been a huge shift in everyone's lives ever since, but I have really been challenged in auntie-hood and how to grieve the loss of that marriage for myself, and somehow still show up for the loss that they're grieving. I don't always feel I have the emotional capacity to stand solid and to stand firm for them - how they need me to be - and so there was a good year or so that the dynamic was just off. I didn't see them as much as I wanted to. They were grieving in different ways. I was grieving in a different way. I pulled away. I went into counseling and tried to navigate my feelings and emotions and learn how to communicate them. And I think my prayer, almost daily, in that year was:

"Bring me back to my kiddos. Connect me with my kiddos, reassure them through my presence that all has not been lost. That even though it feels like their world might be crumbling or like they don't understand what's going on, or maybe if they feel guilt in any way, or, they're replaying certain conversations and wondering if life could have been different. I pray that above everything that they're feeling, that MY presence in their life would not falter, would not shift, would not look any different. That they would know that I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. I may have been linked to one side of this marriage more - or by blood - more than the other, but I'm yours forever. I'm here forever. I'm with you. I'm for you. I'm supporting you. I'm here to still crack the whip if I need to and whip you into shape, but I love you. At the root of every decision I make and everything that goes on in our family, I love you. And I'm riding for you 'til the very end.”

What do you do to take care of yourself so that you can be at your best for yourself and your Littles?

It’s vital that I focus on my well-being and my self-care practices in order to show up for them in the best ways possible. They’re watching. Whether or not I see them daily, I’m still an example. And I want to model self-worth and care for my needs first before trying to pour from an empty cup. I want that example to impact them, to soak into them - so they can model the same and show as their best self in the relationships they’re in.

What's one piece of advice that you've either been given or want to share with the future generation?

My advice for aunties - or anyone really influencing and impacting the littles - is just to be present. Show up for yourself first. And then make your presence known to the littles in your life. Stand firm in what your presence means and what you want it to mean. And listen to the prayers that you pray when it comes to your role as auntie…because they're so telling about what your heart really wants for them.